so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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