I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
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