When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
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