It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
