and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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