Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
