my soul wont recognize me after tonight
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize