About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
