a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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