its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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