it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
