remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
