i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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