Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
