I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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