awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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