I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
handjob tips. give me some.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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