I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
