So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
This toilet bowl is my home.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
