my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
