I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Let's get the cat blown out
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
