Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
