i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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