if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
