tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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