Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
