There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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