Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Randomize