I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
