So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize