Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
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