I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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