So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
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