I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
