i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
