did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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