im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
