Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Randomize
