Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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