dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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