dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
