Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
