she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
