There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Randomize
