I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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