Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
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