i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
