I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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