I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
