She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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