i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize