Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
birth control should be required to get into college
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
