I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
