So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize