Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
