It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
