Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
