Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
