"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
There r osticjed everywhere
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
