i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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