Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
