just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
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