North Korea, Best Korea!
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Randomize
