Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
