He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
The air taste purple.
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