dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Randomize