I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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