there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize