drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
