So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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