I will die if light touches me.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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