i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
