You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
