but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize
