Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
