my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
