I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
