You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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