Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
