my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Randomize
