Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
