If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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