So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Randomize
