i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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