i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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