Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
