Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
don't judge my taste in strippers
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
