My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
