this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
