Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
