im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize