So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
