You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
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