forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
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