You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
