I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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