K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
