He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
pop tarts are not kleenex
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
