BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
