Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
