Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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