Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize