If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
You dont lie about slip and slides
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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