Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
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